Let’s take our Bibles and turn to Genesis, Chapter 45, as I begin tonight a two-part sermon entitled, Mending the Fences. We’ve come to that point in the story where Joseph’s brothers come down to Egypt looking for grain. They encounter their brother. Initially, they don’t recognize him, although he recognizes them, and it triggers a whole series of events that will ultimately bring about reconciliation between Joseph and his brothers.
It’s a great story. It’s very dramatic and very instructive to you and to me, Mending the Fences. We’re really going to look at a sweep of passages from Genesis 42 right through to Genesis 45, but let’s just, for the sake of getting our bearings, fast-forward to Genesis 45 and verse one. “Then Joseph could not restrain himself before all those who stood by him, and he cried out, ‘Make everyone go out from me.'” No one stood with him while Joseph made himself known to his brothers, and he wept aloud, and the Egyptians and the house of Pharaoh heard it.
Then Joseph said to his brothers, “I am Joseph. Does my father still live?” His brothers could not answer him, for they were dismayed in his presence. Joseph said to his brothers, “Please come near to me.” They came near. Then he said to them, “I am Joseph, your brother whom you sold into Egypt.” Their hesitancy is based upon the fact they don’t know if this is a good thing or a bad thing, given the history.
Verse five, “But now,” this is Joseph, “Do not therefore be grieved or angry with yourselves because you sold me here, for God sent me before you to preserve life. For these two years, the famine has been in the land, and there are still five years in which there will be neither plowing nor harvesting. God sent me before you to preserve a posterity for you in the earth, and save your lives by the great deliverance.”
“No, it was not you who sent me here but God, and he has made me a father to Pharaoh, the Lord of all his house, and a ruler throughout all the land of Egypt. Hurry and go up to my father and say to him, ‘Thus says your son Joseph, God has made me Lord of all Egypt, come down to me. Do not tarry.’ You shall dwell in the land of Goshen, and you shall be near me, you and your children, your children’s children, your flocks, and your herds, and all that you have. There I will provide for you, lest you and your household and all that you have come to poverty, for there are still five years of famine.”
What a moment, as the brothers are reconciled to Joseph. Mending the Fences, that’s what we want to challenge ourselves about tonight.There’s a story that surrounds the life of John Wesley, the founding father of Methodism. He’s on a ship traveling to the United States, to Georgia. On board, in fact, is General Oglethorpe, the Governor of Georgia. As John Wesley moves towards his cabin during the voyage, he hears some commotion going on inside.
As he steps inside the cabin of General Oglethorpe, he finds that he’s about to give his servant Grimaldi a real walloping, because Grimaldi has been drinking the general’s wine. Wesley steps into this uncomfortable situation and hears the governor say, “I will be avenged.” He has the poor man tied hand and foot, and he intends to carry him up onto the deck for a very severe punishment. Looking at Wesley, Oglethorpe says this, “Mr. Wesley, you know I never forgive,” to which John Wesley replies, in classical fashion, “Then I hope, sir, you never sin.”
We do sin, and therefore we need God’s forgiveness. Others sin against us and need our forgiveness. Christians are those who give to others what God has given to them in great measure, in the Lord Jesus Christ, namely, forgiveness. Is not Paul’s point over in Ephesians chapter four and verse 32, where he challenges the Ephesians with these words, “And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another even as God in Christ has forgiven you.”
You and I sin, and God needs to forgive us. Others sin against us, and we need to forgive them. Christians give to others what God has given to them, forgiveness, but that’s easier said than done. Wouldn’t you agree with that? C.S. Lewis was right on when he said, “Forgiveness is a beautiful word until you have someone or something to forgive.” High dead right, he was someone to forgive. Something to forgive is the theme of the passage before us.
If you come over to Genesis chapter 42, we come upon that scene where because of the seven years of famine, which have not only hit the region of Egypt but the surrounding countries. Now, Jacob, realizing that his home and his household is in jeopardy, sends his sons except Benjamin down to Egypt. Look at verse one. When Jacob saw that there was grain in Egypt, Jacob said to his sons, “Why do you look at one another? Indeed, I’ve heard that there is grain in Egypt. Go down to that place and buy us there, and that we might live and not die.”
Joseph’s 10 brothers went down to buy grain in Egypt, but Jacob did not send Joseph’s brother Benjamin with his brothers, for he said, “Lest some calamity befall him.” The sons of Israel went down to buy grain among those who journeyed for the famine was in the land of Canaan. Now, Joseph was the governor over the land, and it was he who sold to all the people of the land. Joseph’s brothers came and bowed down before him with their faces to the earth.
Joseph saw his brothers, recognized them, but he acted as a stranger to them and spoke roughly to them. He recognized them, they did not recognize him. Imagine the same. After some 20 years, Joseph’s brothers re-enter his life. You say, “Pastor, what do you say, 20 years?” Well, we know that Joseph was sold into slavery at the age 17. We know then for 13 years, he was in servitude until at the age 30, he’s promoted into Pharaoh’s court and given the keys to the kingdom, so to speak.
We know that seven years of plant, they have already passed. The famine is now taking root, both in Egypt and in Canaan. We’re at least 20 years on from a moment they betrayed their brother. Imagine the scene after 20 years, Joseph and his brothers are brought back together again. He finds them in his presence, bowed down. It’s a good kneeling position for their heads to get lapped off after all these years and all that he had gone through, but nothing of the sort happens.
One writer has said that what we have before us is Joseph’s supreme temptation. Joseph’s supreme temptation. It is not the despair in the face of suffering. It’s not unchastity in the face of sexual provocation. His supreme temptation was bitterness and unforgiveness in the face of wrong. Would he forgive his brothers? Would he reconcile with those who had done him such despite? He would and he does, and that’s what’s so striking and instructive and convicting about these chapters in Genesis chapter 42 through 45.
Years before the brothers walked through the front door of the palace and into Joseph’s presence, Joseph had evicted and showed the back door to any thought of revenge and resentment towards his brothers who had betrayed him and hurt him so badly. Joseph has a princely character. We remember David as the slayer of the physical giant Goliath, but we need to remember Joseph as the slayer of the emotional giant resentment.
In the stillness of God’s presence, maybe you and I can detect deep dine in our hearts tonight, the rumbling of that giant of resentment. Today, we carry the wound of some disloyalty, the scar of some abuse, the fracture of a divorce, the teeth marks of criticism, and the rumbles within our hearts the giant of resentment who threatens to destroy our lives.
One of the most dangerous methods of drug smuggling is the policing of small amounts of pure heroin in rubber balloons which are then swallowed. The smuggler is able to pass undetected through international borders and customs. Sometimes it works, but if the balloon breaks, and some stories have carried this reality, pure heroin spills into the stomach of the carrier, which results in death from overdose. I think you and I need to remind ourselves that we mustn’t try to smuggle bitterness and resentment through life, for it threatens to destroy those that carry it.
It wastes our time, it spends our emotions, it leaves us in a state of guilt because we know it’s wrong, and the multiplied other impacts upon our lives. Bitterness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. It just doesn’t work. I think you and I need to take a look at this dramatic scene in Genesis chapter 42 following. Look at how Joseph mends the fences with his brothers. There are three planks to the mending of this fence.
We’re only going to look at one of them tonight, but if you want the outline, we’re going to see their wrong was to be faced. We’re going to see that their wrong was to be forsaken, and we’re going to see that their wrong was to be forgiven, but I want to concentrate tonight on the subject their wrong was to be faced. The first plank in the mending of the fence is an honest admittance on the guilty party of their wrong and their sin.
Before Joseph could forgive his brothers, which was his intention, the spadework of reconciliation had to dig up that which had remained buried, namely a living sin that had gone on repented of, and had never been put to death. Joseph confronts his brothers about their sin, and I’ll make that clear to you. He wants them to agree with him on the nature of their sin and the horror of their transgression.
It’s interesting that the Greek word for confess that we so often quote in a passage like one John one verse seven through nine, that if we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. That Greek word carries the idea of to agree with. You could actually translate like this. If we agree with God about our sin, he’s faithful and just to forgive us our sin, and that’s the first plank in reconciliation with God. It’s the first plank in reconciliation with each other.
Sin must be faced. It can’t be winked at it, can’t be nodded at. It can’t be ignored. In fact, I was challenged some time ago, tell me if this doesn’t resonate with you, by the words of a man by the name of Douglas Herr in a commentary in Matthew, he was dealing with the issue of forgiveness, I presume out of Matthew chapter 18. He said, “Hi, we mustn’t confuse forgiveness with sentimental toleration of hurtful behavior.” Here’s his words.
“Christians are often guilty or forgiving too much too quickly,” and that kind of jars with you, don’t you? As a Christian, think, hey, you know what? We like the dole out forgiveness like our government likes the dole out bail-outs and dollars. It’s the right thing to do, just the more, the merrier. Christians are often guilty of forgiving too much too quickly. He goes on, “The misbehavior of alcoholics is not to be laughed at. Ministers who fail to control their sexual impulses are not to be lightly excused. Teenagers who betray their parents’ trust are not simply to be forgiven.”
“A much more loving course of action is to insist that they amend their behavior, so that they regain that trust. In these and other instances, premature forgiveness is an easy way out that does little to help the offender or heal the damaged relationship.” It’s very, very challenging words, and I think he’s onto something. The spadework of reconciliation involves digging up sins that have been buried alive, un-repented of, sins that have never been faced, or confronted, or talked through.
Steps along the road to reconciliation with man or with God involve confrontation, which leads to conviction, which awaits confession, which receives compassion. Now, let me say this, nobody likes to confront, or they shouldn’t like to confront. I think there are two extremes when it comes to confronting sin or challenging someone about a misdeed. There are some people who are like bloodhounds.
They get to work at the whiff of anything suspicious. That’s one extreme, and then there’s the other extreme. You’ve got people who are like ostriches. They like to bury their head in the sand and pretend that nothing has happened, or it’s going to go away once they lift their head out of the sand. We neither want to be a bloodhound or an ostrich, but we do want to confront lovingly and honestly those things that have become a obstacle to free and full relationships.
Now, let me prove this within the text. You’ve been waiting, I’m sure, to get back to Joseph. Here we are. He kick starts the process of mending the fences by confronting his brothers with their past. He kind of begins to play a little bit of cat mouse with them. He means good in the roughness of his approach. Look at verse seven. We read that he remains a stranger to them and he speaks roughly to them, but this is tough love.
In fact, they were struck by it when they go back and report to their father. In verse 30, they read, “The man who is Lord of the land spoke roughly to us,” that what happens is this. I’m not going to take time to read the passage, I’ll give you the verses, but Joseph begins by accusing them of being spies. Food was money, food was gold during this time, and Egypt had tons of it. It was a national commodity. It was a national treasure. Joseph says, “Hey, why are you guys here? You’re from outside the borders of this country.”
He plays a little bit of cat and mouse and he begins by inferring that they’re spies. Look at verse nine. Then Joseph remembered the dreams which he had dreamed about and he says to them, “You are spies. You’ve come to see the nakedness of the land.” They protest their innocence, but it falls on deaf ears. Initially, remember, Joseph’s got good in mind, but their sins got to be confronted. He sets out to detain all of them, while one would return. Then three days passes, and he decides he’s not going to do that, and he lets them all go except one.
You read about that in verse 15 and then in verse 18, “In this manner, you shall be tested. By the life of Pharaoh, you shall not leave this place unless your youngest brother comes here. Send one of you and let him bring your brother.” He keeps them for three days. We read about that in verse 17, and then he changes his mind and he lets them all go home except one. That one is Simeon, who’s imprisoned. You read about that in verse 24 and he returned.
He turned himself away from them and wept. Then he returned to them again and talked with them, and he took Simeon from them, and bound them before their eyes. Now, you can take time to read that. He starts out by calling them spies. He detains them all with the possibility of one returning to the father to bring Benjamin down. Then he changes his mind after three days. They all can go back except one, and that one is Simeon.
Now, if you connect the dots, I think you’ll see shadows of what they did to Joseph himself. They were reaping what they had sown 20 years before when Joseph was considered to them to be a spy. He had given an evil report to their father. Remember that, back in Genesis 37? They’re going to detain Joseph, and then the plan changes, or they do detain him and they think initially of murdering him, and then they’re talked out of that. They sell him into slavery, and they watch him be carried away by the Ishmaelites.
They’re being confronted by what they did to Joseph. In fact, it’s taken its effect. The ghosts of the past are beginning to be awakened. Look at verse 13, and they said, that’s the brothers to each other. Sorry. In verse 13, they acknowledge the one who is no more without saying anything more, but it’s verse 21 and 22 that is interesting. They said to one another, “We are truly guilty concerning our brother, for we saw the anguish of his soul when he pleaded with us, and we would not hear. Therefore, this distress has come upon us.”
Reuben answered and said, “Did I not speak to you saying do not sin against the boy, and you would not listen? Therefore, behold his blood is now being required.” Now, I think they were in danger of the kind of thinking bad karma was taking place here, but the point is that the circumstances that Joseph puts them through triggers the whole scene of what they did to him. What they were going through, they had put him through. Joseph, I think, does this intentionally with a good motive. This wasn’t easy for him.
You’ll read a number of times as he goes through this process, he turns away and weeps. This is breaking his heart to do this, but it’s got to be done. He retains his emotions. He acts soberly and he acts wisely and he says, “You know what? I just can’t throw my arms around these brothers and let bygones be bygones. That doesn’t honor God, and it doesn’t help them, and in the end, it probably won’t satisfy me either.” Now, true reconciliation involves confrontation.
It involves getting the guilty party to agree with you about their offenses, and then we’ll see next week, it involves them forsaking it, but it does begin with the process of confrontation. We could now move on to talk about the wrong being forsaken, but for the time there remains tonight, I want to go on a little bit of an excursion and just help you and I think that through. There are times in our lives where we must make judgments about other people’s behavior.
We must confront them about their misdeeds, but how are we to judge others? What kind of spirit should we confront others? Given the facts of life, you and I will sin and need God’s forgiveness, and others will sin and need our forgiveness. We will sin and need their forgiveness. When that confrontation takes place, how ought it to take place? Let’s think of a couple of guidelines. Number one, if you’re taking notes, it ought to be done in a spirit of humility, not superiority. It ought to be done in a spirit of humility and not superiority.
Tough love doesn’t begin with actual confrontation, it begins with self-examination. That’s the whole intent, isn’t it, in Matthew chapter seven? A text that’s being greatly misunderstood, you maybe heard preachers say, and it bears saying again, that a text taken out of its context becomes a pretext, pretext for wrong actions, or wrong attitudes, or wrong reactions. This is a text that is being taken out of its context and become a pretext for the idea, you know what? You and I are to live and let live.
Short of criminal activity, just live and let live, but that’s not Jesus’ intention. Jesus’ intention here is that you and I should apply some self-judgment before we go on to make some right judgments. Judge not that you be not judged, for with what judgment you judge, you will be judged. With the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. When you and I set out to judge someone, we need to spend a little bit of time in self-judgment.
We need to make sure that we have removed specks from our own eyes before we go poking into someone else’s. Before we look into someone else, before we get into someone else’s face, we need to take a good look at our own. Of all blindness, the worst kind is that which makes us blind to ourselves. The most blind person in the world is a person blind to himself. Joseph Butler put it like this, “Many men seem perfect strangers to their own character.” That’s a great statement, really worth thinking about.
If you and I are going to confront someone, and that will happen in life, it happened in Joseph’s life, and it will happen in years and mine, we’ve got to do it with a spirit of humility in that superiority. Galatians six verse one reminds us of that, doesn’t it? To restore a brother, and if you set out to restore a brother who’s been overtaken in a fault, you need to do it in a spirit of humility, lest you yourself be tempted. We can live with our own sins an awful lot longer, it seems, than we can live with others.
There’s a Pharisee in all of us trying to get out, and we have a great capacity to make ourselves look good by making others look particularly bad. We can become so blind to our own blind spots. I won’t turn there for the sake of time, but you know the passage, 2 Samuel 12, David has fallen into that grave, that gross sin, where he took another man’s wife. To cover his own tracks, he murdered the husband of that wife, Uriah. For a year, he seems to get away with it. Then Nathan goes and confronts him, and he confronts him with the story, right?
The story of a guest who comes to stay with a rich man. This man wants to treat his guest well and wants to put out the carpet, but instead of slaying one of his own lambs, he goes and takes it from his poor neighbor’s pen. As David listens to this story, he gets all angst about it, and says, “Hey, tell me who that man is.” The amazing thing is, under Jewish law, stealing another man’s lamb and killing it was not a capital offense, but adultery and murder were.
None are so blind as those who are blind to themselves. David said, “Hey, tell me who this guy is,” and with a big bony finger, Nathan says, “What? You’re the man, it’s you.” David’s capacity to see in others what he’s blind to in himself is a reminder to all of us that when we set out to confront sin, and we must, and we will, we must do it with a spirit of humility, having spent some time in self-judgment upon ourselves. It’s so important, isn’t it?
There’s a great story that comes out of the life, I just came across it recently of Theodore Roosevelt, one of the great presidents of this country. As with all presidents, he was in a seat of power. He dealt with big things all the time, but he had to remind himself, and he sought to remind himself often where that power came from. In fact, he confessed to some friends, after a week of wrestling with perplexing problems, it does meet so much rest for my soul to come into the house of the Lord and to sing, and mean it holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty.
This man had an ego, and I think by that confession, [inaudible 00:30:07] to say, “I got to work to put myself in place.” In fact, he often before retiring to bed, would go out with a naturalist friend, William Beebe, and they’d stand outside the White House, and they’d look up into a night sky, and they’d search for a tiny patch of light near the constellation Pegasus. They’d say to each other, almost in unison, “That is the spiral galaxy of Andromeda.”
It is as large as our Milky Way. It is one of a hundred million galaxies. It consists of 100 billion suns each larger than our own sun. Then after a moment of silent awe, Roosevelt would turn to his companion, William Beebe, and say, “Now, I think we are small enough. Let’s go to bed.” You and I, before we confront someone, need to spend some time making ourselves small enough for God to use as an instrument of confrontation.
We can do that by looking in the mirror of God’s word, pulling back the veil of our own heart, and by spending some time at the foot of the cross. When we’re small enough, then we’re ready to confront someone about their sin. Begins with the spirit of humility, not superiority. It involves working on the basis of facts, not presumptions. It involves working on the basis of facts and not presumptions. You and I must judge. Jesus doesn’t say we can’t. He just tells us to say, “Look, before you judge someone else, judge yourself, because the measure by which you judge someone else, I’m going to measure that to you.”
We will judge, we must judge, but one of the things we’ve got to guard against is judging too quickly, of forming our opinions too quickly, of not gathering the evidence, of working on the basis of fragments and scraps of information. Some people are too quick to connect the dots and draw conclusions based on assumptions and intuitions, and that’s a dangerous thing to do. Joseph was dealing with something that was clear, established, and a fact, and he confronted it.
If you and I are going to confront something, let’s do it with a spirit of humility, and let’s do it based on facts. Not what we think, not what we perceive, but what we know to be true. Isn’t that what Proverbs 18, verse 13 encourages us to do? Proverbs 1813, what does it say? It says this, “He who answers a matter before he hears it is a folly and a shame to him.” He who answers a matter before he hears it is a folly and a shame to him. In fact, I think it’s interesting that in James chapter one verses 19 through 20, we’re told what?
We’re told to be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath, for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God. Interesting, isn’t it, that we’re told to be swift to hear, slow to speak in the context of anger or wrath? While the text doesn’t specify, it certainly could be an attempt to express some righteous anger and justified wrath, but sometimes fuel is thrown onto the fire of controversy and confrontation, because we have fuel to listen and we have fuel to learn.
If we’re not careful, we end up addressing the wrong issue in the wrong way, with the wrong attitude, based upon the wrong opinion, because we proceeded too fast and we presumed too much. That’s a dangerous thing. That’s why we ought not to be quick to speak in confrontation. None of us should want to do it or take some relish in doing it, but every one of us will have to do it. Let’s do it in a spirit of meekness. Let’s do it after we’ve gathered the facts and really established the issue of what we’re truly asking the other person to repent of.
In reconciliation, we must be willing to be confused with the facts. Have you ever been in a discussion with someone and you realize in the middle of it, this is the kind of person doesn’t want to be confused with the facts? Sometimes you can just let it be, but you can’t let that be the case in confrontation. When you’re going to bring an issue to someone and challenge them about their life or their behavior, everybody must be willing to be confused with the facts. Everybody must spend some good time listening and learning, and indeed identifying and addressing the issue clearly.
Number three, for and all, number three, let’s judge words and actions but not motives. If you’re going to confront someone, you can confront them on the basis of their words or their actions, but you cannot in any serious manner try to weigh or judge their motives. Only God knows the motives of the heart. You and I need to bear that in mind. In fact, this was the mistake that Satan made, wasn’t it? What did Satan say of Job back in Job chapter one? Does Job fear God for nothing? He was imputing what? His motives.
Satan says to God, “If you remove the hedge, you’re going to find out this guy’s good living for a living.” He’s in it for what he gets out of it. He’s serving you, he’s loving you on the basis of an ulterior motive. Self is his real idol, not the worship of the living God. The hedge is removed, and [inaudible 00:37:11] struggle Job by his actions and his works proves that his motives are pure. Satan made a mistake, and so do we often by trying to judge another’s motives.
In fact, what does Paul say? Let me read it actually from the Living Translation or the New Living Translation, 1 Corinthians chapter four verse one. Look at Apollos in me as mere servants of Christ who has been put in charge of explaining God’s secrets. Now, a person who’s put in charge as a manager must be faithful. What about me? Have I been faithful? Well, it matters very little what you or anyone else thinks.” I don’t even trust my own judgment on this point.
My conscience is clear, but that isn’t what matters. It is the Lord himself who will examine me and decide. Be careful not to jump to conclusions before the Lord returns as to whether or not someone is faithful. Now, we don’t want to misunderstand the passage, and I’m not going to expand it. Paul’s not saying that his life isn’t up for scrutiny.
He bears his heart, and he examines his record many times in his letters, but he’s basically saying, “Hey, in the ultimate sense, none of us can truly judge another person’s motives or how they think. In fact, that person is scrambling to truly understand themselves,” because what? The heart is deceitful and only God knows the heart.
If you’re going to judge, if you’re going to measure, if you’re going to weigh, you’re basically going to have to do it on the basis of works and actions. Jesus in fact allows us to do that, right? By their what? Fruits. You all know them. I think it’s important that you and I, when we are dealing with the situation, don’t make a judgment too far. There’s a great wartime movie, I enjoy wartime movies. It’s called The Bridge Too Far. It’s the story of the British army in the second world war who dropped behind enemy lines in the last months of the push against Germany.
They dropped just outside a town in Holland called Arnhem, and their job is to get to a certain bridge and hold it, and then the back line of the force will catch up with the front line, and they’ll squeeze the Germans in between. As the title of the movie describes, they went a bridge too far. The back line never caught up with the front line, and the Germans actually surrounded the British paratroop regiments, and many lives were lost, and many were taken capture. It’s a true story, A Bridge Too Far.
We’re always in danger in life and whole lot of realms of extending ourselves too far. To judge someone’s motives is a judgment too far. Don’t do it. Judge works, judge actions based on facts, and judge it with the spirit of humility, knowing that you yourself could be tempted. Finally, last thought, judge sin, not immaturity. Judge sin, not immaturity. Go with me to a text in Colossians that I may have touched on before, but this is such a critical text and a helpful insight.
Gerald Sittser in his excellent book, Across the Differences on the one another’s of the New Testament brought this to my attention some time ago. In the arena of reconciliation, we must remember that forgiveness must be reserved for offenses that are truly worthy of forgiveness. In the implication of that is then, if you’re going to confront something, confront that which is worthy of a real confrontation. In some cases and in some circumstances, forbearance is what is required, a kind of putting up with what’s going on rather than an asking for forgiveness.
Let me try and map this out for you. Colossians chapter three, verses 12 and 13, “Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, long-suffering, bearing with one another and forgiving one another. If anyone has a complaint against another even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.” Here’s what Gerald Sittser says, and I commend his writings to you, by the way.
This man lost his wife and kids in a drunk driving accident, and I found his writings very helpful. He wrote a book called Grace Disguised on bereavement, excellent. This book on the one another’s would be a great small group study, Across the Differences. In this book and on this passage, he says, “It is clear in the passage that not all offenses require forgiveness.” I think that’s a very helpful insight. Not everything in a family, and a marriage, and a relationship, and a friendship, and a church should be made a grand jury issue.
We’d all be exhausted and we’d all be exasperated, okay? He says, “Some things are to be just put up with, you forbear. You carry that with style and dignity.” He says, “That might include irritating idiosyncrasies of personalities.” Some people are cold, sharp, some people inward and introvert, some people are extrovert. Some, he says, “Other things to bear in mind, immature blunders, foolish, but well-intentioned decisions, inexperience, these do not call for forgiveness, at least not most of the time.”
Now, maybe if those things were repeated thoughtlessly, then you’re maybe becoming a sin, not the issue itself, but the unwillingness to maybe address it. Basically, you know what? There’s just some things in life you’re just better putting up with. Don’t get bogged down in the small print of daily living. Some of these things don’t fit into the category of sin. Our first option when we’re dealing with anything, is this an issue of forbearing, or is this an issue of forgiving?
We must forbear first, but sometimes we must also forgive. Paul goes on here to use a word, “If anyone has a complaint,” verse 13, “against another, then as Christ forgive you, you must also do.” As some things are to be an issue of forbearing, there are some things, some complaints that are an issue of forgiving. The Greek word here translated complaint carries the idea of reproach or worthy of blame. It’s an offense that’s bad enough to merit forgiveness. Even that is a challenge sometimes to work out.
We can be clear that it’s certainly a breaking of some clear admonition in God’s word, some standard within God’s law. I think it’d also be something that violates some universal accepted sense of justice. Hopefully with the spirit’s help, with the light of God’s word shining on our path, you and I can come to a good conclusion to what this is a complaint, and it needs to be confronted. Ultimately, forgiveness needs to be extended and reconciliation made, but let’s make sure it is a complaint. Make sure it is a sin.
Let’s address sins not immaturity. We’ve got to exhibit a certain proportionality. We cannot go through life majoring on the minors. See, that’s the Pharisee trying to come out in us was not what they did in Matthew 23, 23, Jesus deals with them and says, “You know what, guys? The weighty matters of the law, I don’t see us getting all that excited about those, but the minor issues, you’re straining at knots and what? Swallowing camels.” It’s a hilarious picture of these Pharisees trying to swallow a camel, and Jesus’s point but is what? It’s like, “Hold your fire and pick your fights.”
Life’s too short are to turn everything into a grand jury issue. You and I need to think that through. In fact, my brother just sent me an email for Christmas, and was telling me that a friend of his had bought him the works of C.S. Lewis. He sent me and the girls a quote that he thought it’s worth pondering. I’m not sure which volume he got it out of, but here’s the quote, “Don’t use words too big for the subject. Don’t say infinitely when you mean very. Otherwise, you will have no word left when you want to talk about something really big.”
It’s a good point, isn’t it? You not find that? Do we not overuse the word awesome? This is awesome. This bar of chocolate is awesome. You, my son, are awesome. You’re as good as a bar of chocolate. Come on. We hype everything until there are no levels of importance, no shades of value. It’s a great word from C.S. Lewis, “Don’t use words too big for the subject. Don’t say infinitely when you mean very. Otherwise, you’ll have no word left when you want to talk about something really infinite.”
Then I put this as a footnote, what is true of words is also true of forgiveness. Why forgive when you con forbear? Reserve forgiveness for the really big things: the complaints, the issues of universal justice, the weighty matters of the law, the breaking of God’s clear commandments. The other stuff, for as long as you can until it becomes a sin issue, just put up with it, deal with it, suck it up. The devil’s in the details of life. I hope this is helpful.
Forgiveness is a beautiful word until you have someone or something to forgive, but forgiveness begins with confrontation. That’s not be a bloodhound, let’s not be an ostrich, but let us, by God’s grace, lovingly confront sin when sin has been established in fact, that something has risen to a level that’s fracturing a relationship, offending God, dividing a home, disturbing a fellowship. Confront it boldly and honestly, but confront it also in a spirit of humility, knowing that you yourself are capable of doing that which you find so offensive in others.
Let’s pray. Lord, we find ourselves in a web of relationships, in a context of communities. Lord, as someone has said, we’re like porcupines. We need each other, but we needle each other. Though God, from the small to the great, we can easily hurt one another. We can break your law and break others’ hearts. Lord, it’s just a fact of life that there will be many times, multiple times when we will need you to forgive us, and there will be others who will need us to forgive them.
Lord, we do want to hear the admonition. We can forgive too easily. We can forgive too quickly. We can forgive too indiscriminately. That’s not taking sin serious enough. It’s not taking God’s holiness seriously enough. Lord, when we seek to reconcile, we seek to reconcile fully, not the paper over cracks that will just crack again. Lord, help us to learn how to confront. I want to thank you for what we have learned tonight. Help us indeed to kneel this first plank onto the fence that needs mending. In any one of our lives where we ask and pray it all, in Jesus’ name, and everybody said, amen.